How to give relationship advice? Giving advice based on your own personal experience makes a lot of sense. However, as certified professional counselor Greta Aronson tells Bustle, it’s critical to leave your personal dating experience out of the talk.
While the intentions are nice, it tends to focus on you rather than your single friend “she explains. For example, saying, “I was lonely too until I met my partner in a bar!” will simply serve to remind your buddy that they are single, and may even offer them false optimism that their life will turn out the same way as yours. It can make them feel even more discouraged if it doesn’t. In case you need it, we also have article about dating advice for young adults.
So, rather than bringing yourself into it, focus solely on your friend. ” Consider their personality. How do they deal with their emotions? What qualities do they look for in a partner? What do they want to achieve in the long run? You can discuss a strategy once you have that knowledge.
Dating may also involve two or more people who have already decided that they share romantic or sexual feelings toward each other.Dating according to Wikipedia
How To Give Relationship Advice: Listen Without Making Any Assumptions or Judgments
People who are friends with you often share things with you that they wouldn’t usually share with others. You might know some details about their personal lives. You may also be able to see when they are struggling with something, but you shouldn’t take advantage of this situation. Don’t use this information to attack them. Instead, suggest ways that they can improve themselves.
How To Give Relationship Advice: Assist A Friend In Recognizing Their Patterns
You never want to make it sound like your friend’s single status is her fault. You can help your friend realize where they need to change if you know they keep dating emotionally unavailable people or making choices that aren’t really beneficial for starting a relationship. It’s easy to come out as judging if you’re too straightforward.
As a result, the ideal strategy is to ask them questions. “Ask your friend if they’re actually changing their strategy or if they’re doing the same things that aren’t working for them over and over again,” matchmaker and dating expert Stef Safran tells Bustle. Your acquaintance will be far more likely to make adjustments for themselves if you pinpoint their issue areas.
How To Give Relationship Advice: Demonstrate Empathy And Encouragement
Dr. Marisa Franco, a relationship expert with a PhD in counseling psychology, tells Bustle that “sometimes advise can feel patronizing and condemning, suggesting that they’re single because of their own actions.” “Rather than giving advise, empathize with them and underline their value.” Sometimes all someone requires is a little bit of encouragement.
It’s possible that all they need to hear is something like, “Dating is difficult, and you’re doing your best. You certainly deserve someone who is as wonderful as you are.” You’re not giving any guidance this way. You’re empathizing with them by acknowledging how difficult dating may be, but also reminding them of their worth. Dating may be difficult on a person’s self-esteem, therefore it never hurts to remind them of their worth.
How To Give Relationship Advice: Avoid Clichés
“When it comes to single people, one size does not fit all,” adds Safran. “When individuals are given general advice like ‘It will happen when you least expect it’ or ‘You have to kiss a lot of frogs,’ it irritates them more than it helps.” While some of the old dating clichés are true, it’s the last thing anyone wants to hear when they’re having difficulties. It’s clear and unhelpful to tell someone that they haven’t discovered the proper one yet. As a result, try to stay away from clichés as much as possible. It’s fine to just stay silent and listen if you don’t have any specific suggestions for them.
How To Give Relationship Advice: Set Boundaries With Them
It’s easy to become emotionally invested in the love life of a friend, especially if your own is secure and going well. However, there is a risk in getting too involved in this. As a result, it’s critical to establish boundaries. “Have faith in them to do the right thing to prevent getting codependent with them,” life and dating coach Treva Brandon Scharf tells Bustle.
“Give them direction, but set limits so you don’t take on their sorrow and suffering.” Allow them to make their own decisions and support them when they do. Also, tell them when they’re expecting too much of you. Listening to someone’s difficulties and assisting them in solving them can be draining. When you’re emotionally spent, it’s difficult to give sound advise. In this blog, we also have article about realistic dating advice, in case you need it.