What is Toxic Relationship Pattern you need to know? Toxic relationships can take various shapes, but I’ve discovered a few obvious symptoms of terrible relationships that many people either ignore or, worse, mistake for signs of a healthy relationship. In this blog we also have article about what does toxic relationship mean?
Below are six of the most prevalent relationship characteristics that many couples mistake for healthy and normal, but which are actually poisonous behaviors that hurt what you value.
Toxic relationships are like a good pasta that has been overcooked.Asa Don Brown
Toxic Relationship Pattern : Escalation
Escalation For We is when arguments become a war of words. People start arguing over things that aren’t important. Their anger builds up until they feel like they’re going crazy. Both people get upset and think they’re right. Neither side backs down. When you argue, you might say something you regret later. You might even say something you didn’t mean.
But you can’t take it back.some couples, escalation is very subtle. Voices may not rise, but the negative-to negative interaction is real nevertheless. The more they occur, the greater the couple risks future problems as they slowly erode friendship and goodwill over time.
Examples of Escalations: You’d think you can put the cap back on your toothpaste.
- Wendy: Like you never forget to put the cap back on.
- Ted: As a fact, I always put the cap back.
- Wendy: Oh I forgot just how compulsively you are. You’re absolutely right. should avoid this kind of argument because we’ll end up arguing about who did what wrong. We need to work together as a team and try to solve problems instead.
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Toxic Relationship Pattern : Invalidation
In this example, we see how the invalidation is used by the wife to get back at her husband. She tells him he’s crazy because she doesn’t want to talk about something that happened during the week. He gets upset because she doesn’t believe him when he says he didn’t do anything wrong. He then starts to say things like, “you’re crazy” and “it’s not so bad”. His wife responds by saying, “I’m sorry I said that.” Then, she goes to bed without talking to him.
This shows us how invalidation works. Wendy is very critical of Ted. She thinks he’s irresponsible and she compares him to his father. Ted doesn’t appreciate this criticism and feels hurt by it. Both spouses are being attacked in this conflict. Their anger is rising, and they are starting to escalate. They probably won’t stop until someone gets hurt. This is a classic example of invalidation.
- Maria: (with a sigh) You don’t get this. It upsets me.
- Hector: Yes, I see that, and I still think you’re being over-reactive.
This is clearly an invalidating type of communication. Instead of really listening empathically, Hector dismissed what Maria was feeling. Hector might think he’s helping by saying something like “It’s not so bad” when Maria is feeling bad about her spouse having said that what she felt wasn’t valid. Maria is feeling bad because Hector has told her that what her feelings were weren’t valid.
Toxic Relationship Pattern : Pursue and Withdraw
Pursue and withdraw is a third harmful pattern (or avoidance). One spouse takes on the role of “pursuer,” bringing up topics and attempting to elicit a conversation or decision. The other spouse takes on the role of “withdrawer” by avoiding or shutting down talks (stonewalling).
Tuning out, being quiet and refusing to speak, leaving the room, or even agreeing to what is being requested merely to finish the conversation are all examples of withdrawing. Avoidance is the act of avoiding having a conversation in the first place.
Toxic Relationship Pattern : Negative Interpretations
Negative interpretations are the last harmful pattern. This occurs when one spouse repeatedly perceives his or her spouse’s motives are more negative than they are. He or she sees everything (including positive things) through a negative lens. These perceptions become ingrained in their relationship’s fabric. The pattern demoralizes the more upbeat spouse over time.